Turns out it is a revolution

I have a heavy heart because I left Cairo. Currently I am in the UK, safe, happy, loved, damp from rain and baking cookies. That sounds trite. I don’t really know how to talk about this whole experience in any other way. I feel as if I was dating someone and then their family started to hate our relationship so we tried to be secretive about it for a while and then I started to feel horrible about causing family troubles and left. I walked out of the door with a lot of love, respect, two heavy suitcases and sadness in my heart. Does that make sense?

I feel like cheating for leaving. I feel like a weenie, I also feel like there was no place for me there. I was under the feet of the people I lived with. I was not working. As much as foreign support for the protests matters, it was not my fight to be in the middle of on the ground. I could not really leave the house. Effectively I turned into a housewife.

Here is a little breakdown of what I was doing during the days I was in Egypt for the much needed revolution. I stayed inside, I watched TV, I cleaned up a bit, I organized a closet, I did my nails, when there was no phone or internet I did not use either, I checked in with the embassy and got conflicting reports about evacuations every day, I helped Ayman make the house safe, I got into the car twice to take two exploratory trips, I let my nerves and fear get control for periods of time and then calmed down, I stared at screens when thugs on camels whipped people, I was scared when I heard gunshots outside, I worried the people I knew and loved were getting hurt, I made food, I cried when I thought about leaving, I did dishes and when there was phone and internet I checked in with friends and family. My birthday happened on the most deadly day of the protests. I was unhinged because the life I had built (and was really happy with) was being torn away so unexpectedly, but at the exact same time beyond happy it was happening at all.

When I first moved to Cairo I wondered if at some point “shit would hit the fan” in the Middle East/North Africa. Maybe it would be Israel or Sudan. Both those guesses are, for the moment, wrong and for better or worse I was in Egypt. I have many foreign and Egyptian friends who are still there, a few who have left for good and a few doing exactly what I am doing.

I left with the intent of letting things calm down and then hopefully return. Nothing has really calmed down and nor should it. Nothing can calm down until the very simply stated and clear demands of the Egyptian people are met. Egypt is a beautiful country and it deserves a real government, one that does not torture and oppress the people it represents.

Ultimately I am in awe of the absolute people power exhibited almost out of nowhere. Before this revolution I had not heard one single Egyptian say, with a straight face, they were proud to be Egyptian. Now you have millions screaming it at the top of their lungs. With that sentiment and hte bravery shown by so many I remain in awe and I hope I can go back to a new and more beautiful Cairo. I actually really like my job, I have great friends I would like to see and I want to make fancy cocktails for Cairo Cocktails. All that seems trivial and I feel like a turd for thinking such thoughts, but at the same time people are revolting for a real democratic and stable life. Aren’t things like silly parties and work part of stable life?